


Instinct and Obedience to God

by MercyBuckets



Category: Killjoys (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Decisions, Dubious Ethics, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Facing the past, Families of Choice, Gen, Handwaving, Medical Inaccuracies, Miscommunication, Mission Fic, Rescue Missions, Self-Hatred, Siblings, Torture, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:25:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4880281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercyBuckets/pseuds/MercyBuckets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On an enormous spaceship outside of Westerly airspace the boys track down a level III warrant. As they work out the kinks in their partnership Dutch relearns childhood lessons best forgotten while secretly dreaming of home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instinct and Obedience to God

**Author's Note:**

> This story is now reposted and finished with minor editing. It's kind of a rewrite of One Blood (started before it aired) with some elements of later episodes woven in. 
> 
> The title is from the song Furr by Blitzen Trappen 
> 
> Warnings at the end

"For my flesh had turned to fur, yeah  
And my thoughts, they surely were  
Turned to instinct and obedience to God"

 

"Furr" - Blitzen Trappen

 

 

 

When John get's back to Lucy at 4am local time, he immediately heads to Dutch's quarters. He isn't sure why but he wants to see her. 

 

When he gets there, her door is open and her room is empty. That's weird. It isn't that she doesn't go out but she usually tells him. Also she always closes her door when she's out. John tries to shake off the sinking feeling that something is terribly wrong. 

 

Her room is immaculate except for a photo of the two of them on her bed. John sits down and looks at the picture. He recognizes it. Pree took it the night they celebrated John's promotion to level three. He puts the picture back and stands up when he notices a smattering of red in the middle of the bed. Is that blood? John wracks his brain at how it could have gotten there before settling on the obvious. It isn't like he keeps track of his partner's cycle. It certainly never get's in the way of her work. 

 

He suddenly feels like he's trespassing on something that he wasn't supposed to see and he quickly leaves, shutting the door carefully behind him. 

 

He stops at D'av's room but the door is closed and the lights are off. No one answers when John knocks so it's pretty clear that D'av isn't there. He's a pretty light sleeper what with everything that's happened. 

 

John sighs and heads to his own quarters. He doesn't feel like sleeping right now but he has nothing better to do and he knows he'll regret it in the morning if he stays up. 

 

He strips down to his boxers and climbs into the bed with little ceremony. He must have been more tired than he realized because as soon as he lays down, he can feel his brain begin to go fuzzy.

 

* * *

 

 

_They're back on the nanite ship, the Aegir. He's standing at the monitor watching D'av scream. He blinks back tears. This is where Dutch should grab his shoulder and squeeze to reassure him but when he turns around, she's gone._

 

_He curses. D'av collapses, his eyes rolling back in his head. John can only watch as his brother's unconscious body convulses in pain before momentarily stilling._

 

_The monitor behind him beeps and it's Dutch. She's in a glass cage like D'av's. She's not screaming, she's just sitting there. Her mouth is closed and her eyes are screaming.Somewhere far away he can hear sobs that gradually turn into unrestrained cries of pain._

 

_John turns around so fast that he can't remember doing it. D'av is laying on his back. Blood is leaking from his nose. and shudders wrack his body. Dark blood wells up in his brother's throat. D'av makes a horrible choking sound and begins to cough weakly. Blood splatters the floor but he makes no move to turn his head._

 

_"D'av! D'avin!" screams Dutch from behind John._

 

_D'av makes another awful noise and John watches helplessly. His feet are rooted to the spot. He can hear Dutch pounding on the walls of her cell. D'av is dying._

 

* * *

 

 

He wakes up in a cold sweat.

 

**Are you well John?** asks Lucy. **Your heart rate is elevated.**

 

"I'm fine," says John more out of habit than anything. "How long was I out for?"

 

**Two hours and nine minutes, local time is 6:19am**

 

"Where's Dutch?"

 

**She left in a hurry at 11:38pm last night John. She said she had urgent business to attend to.**

 

"What!" says John sitting up. "Where did she go?"

 

**She did not say. She left instructions on the bridge for what you should do in her absence.**

 

Now he knows there's something wrong. Dutch doesn't just leave like this. Not when things are going well and certainly not right now. 

 

"Her absence," he mutters pulling on his pants more aggressively than necessary. 

 

**That is what she said John.**

 

"Did she get some sort of transmission?" asks John as he fumbles with his buttons. 

 

**Negative.**

 

"What about a package or a visitor?"

 

Lucy pauses for a concerning beat. John gives up buttoning his shirt and starts towards D'av's room. 

 

**Security records are blank from 10:56pm until 11:30pm when Dutch restored full functionality**

 

John almost runs into the wall. 

 

"Again? What do you mean there's no records? Did Dutch turn it off?"

 

**Negative, measures were disabled by some form of interference**

 

John swears and pounds on D'av's door. Interference. He wracks his brain for what that could possibly mean. The company could probably do that, or the RAC, Fancy Lee maybe? Now he's just grasping at at straws. He redoubles his pounding but the door remains silent. 

 

"D'av get up, we have a problem!" No one answers. "D'avin!"

 

**D'avin has not returned to the ship John.**

 

John swears again. More creatively this time. 

 

**I have no mother John. I am a ship.**

 

"I'm not talking to you Lucy," he says shortly. "Find me D'av and call Dutch."

 

**Locating D'avin and Calling Dutch**

 

Surprisingly, Dutch answers almost immediately. 

 

"What is it John," her voice is tight. 

 

"What the fuck Dutch," says John unable to stop himself. "What are you doing? Are you okay?"

 

"I just need to take care of something," she says. 

 

She's using what John calls her "frightened civilian voice" on him. He tries to take a deep breath and calm himself down. He probably sounds like he's losing it. 

 

"I'll be done in three days."

 

"What kind of something?" asks John alarm bells ringing in his head. 

 

"Just a favor for an old friend," says Dutch. "It's nothing you need to worry about."

 

John is about to say that that's bullshit but she interrupts him before he can even start.

 

"I set up a level three for you and D'avin, Bellus will give you the details." 

 

"Dutch," he starts. 

 

She cuts him off.

 

"I will take care of this John. You take care of the warrant." 

 

Before he can protest, she hangs up on him. 

 

That's when he realizes that she never once called him Johnny in that conversation. He almost calls her back but he recognizes that that isn't a good idea. Something is wrong and she can't talk freely. 

 

Maybe she's under cover. That would be the most logical option but he can't shake the feeling that it's something more sinister than that. He shakes his head trying to rid himself of bad thoughts. 

 

"Dutch is strong," he says echoing his words to D'av from the day before. "She'll be okay."

 

**John, I have located D'avin**

 

"Well spit it out," says John. He feels like he's been awake for hours already. 

 

**He is currently located in the upper levels of the Royale.**

 

"Great, of course he is. Let's go get him. Apparently we have a warrant to hunt down."

 

* * *

 

 

John had expected to find D'av with one of the girls, maybe even alone but there was nothing that could have prepared him for an eyeful of half-naked Pawter with a scalpel to his throat.

 

"What the fuck D'av," says John because it seems to be the most reasonable thing to say at a moment like this. 

 

"I hope that's not a comment on me," says Pawter lowering the scalpel and adjusting the sheet she's wrapped in. "I'm going to get dressed."

 

"What are you doing here?" says D'av. 

 

He sounds pissed off. 

 

"Dutch had to go take care of something and she left us a warrant."

 

"Wait Dutch left," says D'av like his world is ending or something. 

 

John tries not to point out that D'avin has known Dutch for less than a month. 

 

"She had something to take care of," he repeats. 

 

D'av looks unsatisfied by that answer but John is saved from having to say anything else by Pawter reappearing from behind some curtain. 

 

"Time to go work for a living Jaqobis," she says to D'av loud enough that John can hear. 

 

D'av mumbles something back and she laughs. 

 

"Don't forget your appointment tomorrow asshole," she tells him. 

 

"Pawter," says John nodding at her . 

 

"John," says Pawter like she didn't try to kill him topless not ten minutes ago. 

 

"John," says D'av like he's about to kill John at any moment. 

 

John briefly wonders if this is some sort of elaborate dream. 

 

"If we could all move towards the door boys," says Pawter. "Not everyone can pick and choose the hours they keep."

 

"Pawter?" says John on their way to see Bellus. "I told you not to plow Dutch so you did it with Pawter?"

 

"Shut up John," growls D'av.

 

"Isn't that some sort of violation of doctor/patient rules or something?"

 

"John," says D'av in a way that means without Dutch here I am the deadliest person on this team. 

 

Unfortunately, that line of thought leads places that John would rather avoid. Especially at quarter of seven in the morning. He's so busy trying not to think of D'av crying in the cell that he ends up walking past Bellus' and doesn't notice until D'av swats him to get his attention. 

 

"Does she do this a lot?" asks D'av as they turn around and plod back to their destination. 

 

"Who?" says John because he's not in the mood for this right now. 

 

"Don't fuck with me," snips D'av stepping in front of John to block his way. "Does she disappear like this often."

 

"No," says John. 

 

D'av looks at him expectantly.

 

"What the fuck do you want me to say D'av," explodes John. "She doesn't usually do this but sometimes she does. That's it."

 

"I thought you said she was trustworthy," says D'av irritably.

 

"More trustworthy than you these days," says John under his breath.

 

"Wanna repeat that," says D'av sounding even more pissed off. 

 

"Dutch stood next to me when mom went in the ground D'avin," says John louder than he means to. 

 

"You boys wanna tell me why you're shouting outside my window at the ass-crack of dawn? or should I just shoot you both now and have done with it."

 

John's anger vanishes in the face of Bellus leaning out of the window. 

 

"And why isn't Dutch managing you two barbarians today?" asks Bellus. 

 

D'av is sulking by the corner of the building making no move towards the door so clearly John's going to have to suck it up and be the grown up here. 

 

"We can talk inside," he says to Bellus and he ducks in the door. 

 

"Is this going to be a problem?" asks Bellus before John even has time to sit down. 

 

He's tempted to play dumb but Bellus might rip his throat out with her bare hands. She looks pretty pissed. What is it with people wanting to kill him this morning?

 

"No," he says instead. 

 

It comes out sullen and Bellus doesn't look convinced. 

 

"Just give me the warrant," snaps John failing to keep his irritation under control. 

 

He can feel his patience running thin and at this point he just wants to get back to Lucy before he says something he regrets. 

 

"Testy this morning are we Jaqobis?" says Bellus chuckling. 

 

'Great, it's nice to see that someone is finding some humor in all of this crap,' he thinks. 

 

"Didn't get much sleep," he says out loud. 

 

He mentally urges her towards getting to the point. 

 

"Warrant is a level three.," says Bellus business-like at last. 

 

John nods but doesn't say anything. The last person who interrupted Bellus wound up undercover cleaning toilets for a month 

 

"Small time arms dealer trying to break into the big leagues stumbled across something that he shouldn't have."

 

"Tech?" asks John before he can think better of it. 

 

Bellus glares. 

 

"Doesn't matter, he hid it and the Company wants to loosen his lips before they string him up."

 

John nods briskly and almost lunges for the door in his haste to leave when it becomes clear that Bellus is done explaining. 

 

"Jaqobis," says Bellus before he can clear the door step.

 

John makes himself turn around like it's no problem.

 

"Yes Bellus?"

 

"You tell Dutch I want to see her when she get's back, okay?"

 

John nods again and turns to go.

 

"I asked you a question Jaqobis," says Bellus with deadly patience. 

 

"Yes, I'll be sure to tell her," grits out John. 

 

He just manages to refrain from asking if he has permission to leave. 

 

"Get out of my house," says Bellus good naturally. "You have a warrant to deal with."

 

John huffs out a sigh as he finally steps out into the street. 

 

He rounds the corner quickly, checking the details of the warrant as he goes.

 

"Took you long enough," grumbles D'av stepping out of an alley. 

 

"I hope you got me some of that," says John eying the sticky looking pastry in his brother's hand. 

 

"Get your own," says D'av but he hands John a pastry anyway. 

 

John takes a bite and imagines the sugar running through his veins.

 

"Where did you even get these?" he asks.

 

D'av shrugs. 

 

"Bakery down the street," he says. "What's the deal with the warrant?"

 

"Better pack your bags," says John licking the last of the pastry off of his fingers. "We're going on a vacation."

 

* * *

Dutch wonders how her boys are doing. 

 

She's sitting on a thin bed in a barren room. It looks like a prison cell and it makes her feel sick how familiar this all feels. 

 

She locked her door as soon at she got there but it's more of a symbol than anything else. Locks won't stop Khlyen if he wants to get in. 

 

She turns her thoughts back to home. She had been too afraid to tip Khlyen off to anything that he might not know during her phone call with Johnny that she had been short and cold with him. She only hopes that he won't hold it against her, if they even get that far. She would rather have him hate her than have him dead. 

 

Johnny will do as she had asked. She is sure of that. To do otherwise would mean admitting to D'av that Johnny doesn't know her as well as he thought he did. She hates herself a little bit for using his weaknesses against him.

 

She takes a deep breath and reminds herself that when it comes to the survival of her family, she will use whatever tools she has at her disposal. 

 

"Yela, it is time."

 

Dutch doesn't jump. She doesn't even blink. 

 

"What do you want?" she asks acerbically. "Have you decided to tell me what it is we'll be doing or would you prefer to leave me in my room like a disobedient child."

 

"You are free to leave at any time Little Bird," says Khlyen in that voice she has always hated. 

 

"I know better than that," says Dutch. To her embarrassment, she's near shouting. 

 

"Temper was always your weakness," says Khlyen.

 

"At least I'm not heartless," says Dutch getting a parting shot before reining herself in again. "Get on with it."

 

"First we have to test your skills," says Khlyen.

 

"Oh come on," snaps Dutch. 

 

Instead of answering, Khlyen stabs her in the thigh. 

 

"Fine," hisses Dutch her voice tight with controlled pain. "If you want to play, we can play."

 

She uses her uninjured leg to propel herself up, lending power to her punch. 

 

He catches her fist and twists it behind her to force her to the ground. 

 

She retaliates with a sweeping kick that should knock his feet out from under him but he somehow dodges it and applies more pressure to her aching shoulder. In an embarrassing display of uncharacteristic panic, Dutch finds herself squirming away from the pain before she can stop herself. 

 

"Do not make me resort to cruder measures Little Bird," says Khlyen. 

 

He's a hair away from dislocating her shoulder and Dutch knows that he would do it. She spits at him anyway. Trying to make him mad is not a very effective escape tactic but she can't help the desire to fight back in any way that she can. 

 

"Now now Yela, lets not have a temper tantrum. It's not befitting of royalty."

 

Instead of dislocating her shoulder, he uses the leverage to push her down so her face is nearly touching the floor. The undercurrent of panic swells as he bends over her, crowding into her space. 

 

"It would be simply terrible if that bar that you so love to frequent happened to go up in flames wouldn't it?" he says calmly

 

Pree. Dutch feels like her blood has turned to ice. How does Khlyen know so much about her? Was it true what he said back on Qresh that he never let her go? She forces herself to put that out of her mind. She can't afford to think like that right now. Not if she wants to get home. 

 

"What do you want me to do Khlyen?" she hisses with as much venom as she can muster. 

 

"I want a great many things from you Yela, but at the moment, I would settle for your submission."

 

Dutch feels like throwing up.

 

'This is just an act,' she reminds herself. 'Whatever it takes to get home.'

 

She makes herself take as deep a breath as she can given her position and drops her head. 

 

"Fine, I won't struggle. Let's just get this over with."

 

Very good Little Bird," he says. "I know you would see sense."

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours later sees her back in her room with a few more bruises than she left with. Her stab wound has been dealt with of course. Khlyen doesn't want to hurt her, only make sure her skills aren't rusty. By the Trees, she hates him.  

 

"We leave at first light Yela. You must sleep," he had said patting her head. Like she was an unruly child, desperate for attention. 

 

She flops down on the thin mattress. He makes her feel trapped simply by existing. 

 

She fights back tears. What is wrong with her. She isn't twelve years old. She is better than this. 

 

She presses a thumb into the largest bruise. The pain anchors her. 

 

She will do ask he asks for now, play along for now. But the second his back is turned, she'll make him pay for what he's done to her and what he plans to do to her little family. 

 

She fiddles idly with her loose com link. It's disabled of course. A part of her wants to turn it on, to hear Johnny's voice and D'av's incurable soldier's gait. She even misses Lucy. 

 

It would be foolish though and foolish is something that Dutch simply can't afford right now. So she closes her eyes, bites her lip and crushes the com link under her boot. 

 

"Sorry boys," she whispers. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

 

* * *

 

 

"Quit fooling around John," says D'av.

 

John glares. 

 

"I would hardly call ensuring that we have an escape route when this warrant inevitably goes to shit fooling around," says John.  

 

He bites bake the urge to apologize, He can't show D'av how shaken he is with Dutch gone. He just has to find the warrant, get it done and he can take Dutch to task when she's home safe. 

 

"You've been fiddling with that thing for an hour," says D'av. "I know your tells John. You're avoiding something. 

 

"Just drop it D'avin," John snaps slamming his hands down on the desk. 

 

D'avin flinches minutely and John feels like a monster. For a few seconds no one says anything. 

 

"So this arms dealer," says D'av eventually. 

 

John takes it for the olive branch that it is because this is no time for squabbling, not with Dutch gone. 

 

"Bellus didn't say much, Lucy?"

 

**We will arrive at the destination in one hour John.**

 

"I was thinking more about details on the warrant," says John resisting the urge to snap at Lucy. Everyone is getting on his nerves today. 

 

**The warrant is Joven Khrit. He is a small time arms dealer. His heritage appears to be Lethian. There is not a lot of information on him as he has remained below the radar until now.**

 

John already knows all of this so he goes back to his tinkering. He's trying to repair the long distance emergency beacon which got fried a few warrants back. 

 

"And they want him alive?" says D'av

 

"Stop asking stupid questions, I'm working," says John irritably. 

 

"Screw you," says D'av over his shoulder as he turns to go. 

 

John chokes on his breath and nearly stabs himself the the screwdriver. For a second all he can think of is D'av spiting up blood in between sobs. He puts his head down and orders himself to get a grip. The voice in his head sounds like Dutch. That makes his want to cry even more. 

 

**John are you well? Your breathing is irregular.**

 

Lucy's voice drags John back to the present. He's alone on the bridge. D'av has probably gone to get ready or worse, to "talk" with Pawter. 

 

John sighs burying his nightmares as he leans on the console. It's been a while since they were this bad. 

 

'It's been a while since you saw your brother too,' says Dutch in his head. 

 

**John?**

 

That's right, Lucy. 

 

"I'm fine," he says. "Just tired."

 

Now he's going to have look into Pawter to make sure D'av doesn't get in any more over his head than he already is. D'av is going to kill him over this. 

 

"Lucy?" he says "Do a search on Pawter Simms. Keep it quiet, just between the two of us."

 

**Of course John.**

 

Lucy sounds downright gleeful at being asked to keep a secret for him. At least someone's happy. 

 

John sits down on the ground and lets his head fall back against the wall. This is all a mess. Dutch would know what to do but Dutch is part of the problem now. Her voice in his head remains silent. 

 

He aches thinking of her. What could possibly make her drop everything and leave without telling him?

 

He runs through and discards several options, each one worse than the last, before deciding that he is too tired for this right now. 

 

His eyes flutter and he pushes himself to his feet. This is no time to fall asleep. 

 

D'avin breathes out as he punches the bag. His split knuckles scream in protest but the pain makes him feel better somehow, like he belongs in his body.

 

As he switches to kicks he idly wonders what it would feel like to punch the wall. He can't risk breaking his hand but he desperately wants to. The itching blood on his fists only reminds him of waking up bloody and alone. 

 

He wishes that Dutch was here so that she could beat the shit out him sparring. John would kill him for thinking like this. So would Pawter if she was here.

 

Pawter. He doesn't know much about therapy but he's pretty sure that it doesn't usually involve sleeping with your patients. Not that he's complaining but it's probably not healthy. He's not stupid. She's using him to fulfill some need of hers but he finds that he's happy to let her. It's not as if there is anyone else.

 

'But Dutch,' says a traitorous part of his mind. 

 

'Is family,' he fills in tapping down on that line of thought before it gets out of control. 

 

Dutch. John can talk a big game but D'avin knows that his brother has no idea what their wayward partner is doing. He suspects that John is as ready as he is to drop everything and track her down but they need to deal with the warrant first. 

 

**John, requests your presence on the bridge D'avin**

 

D'avin's kick misses the bag entirely and he nearly falls on his face. 

 

"Thanks Lucy," he grits out. He's starting to understand Dutch's attitude with the ship's AI.

 

**Any time D'avin.**

 

* * *

 

 

"Hopefully this will be a simple case of get in, infiltrate the ship and get out," says John without looking up when his brother comes in. 

 

"Schematics?" asks D'av. 

 

"Yeah," says John. He moves to the side so that D'av can see what he's looking at. 

 

D'av whistles. 

 

"Fuck that's a big ship," he says.

 

"It's basically a town in space," says John. "Which reminds me, try to keep the soldier act on the down-low. I get the feeling it's not popular here."

 

D'av nods curtly.John get's the feeling that his brother wants to say something but he holds his tongue so John continues.

 

"Our cover is that we're looking for our sister's husband who ran off and left her with two kids and no money."

 

"A little dramatic don't you think," says D'av.

 

"I get the feeling that abandoning family is a big deal here," shoots back John.

 

He can see D'av hold back his flinch this time. Shit, that was not where he had planned on going with that. 

 

"Let's just get this done," says D'av looking away.

 

John winces. This is so much better with Dutch here to sort everything out. 

 

"I couldn't agree more."

 

* * *

 

As John suspected, the ship is like someone took a piece of Westerly and and stuck it in on a ship. The people are suspicious and bitter with nasty tongues. 

 

After three fruitless hours filled with mistrustful glares at D'av and very little talking, John finally convinces his brother that it would be better to spit up under the guise of covering more ground. 

 

He sends D'av to the upper levels where the wealthier families live while he heads down into the depths. He was stupid to think that D'av would be able to hide his time as a soldier when he might as well have been wearing an "I'm ex-military" sign. Better to send D'av where he might be useful and will at least be out of the way. 

 

This is where John excels. His mother said he was "people-smart" and Dutch calls it "charisma" but whatever it's called, he has a knack for getting people to talk to him. It is the one thing he's always been good at, a part of what made him such a good thief. 

 

He's pulled away from his thoughts by a cracking in his ear. 

 

"You there?" asks D'av.

 

"Yeah," says John softly. "You find something?"

 

"Not yet," says D'av. "You?"

 

John pushes down his irritation at the interruption. Dutch wouldn't have called him just to check in, she would have trusted him. 

 

'You're in a bad mood because you're tired,' he tells himself.

 

"Not yet," he says to D'av. "But I have a few ideas on where to find leads."

 

He's so busy trying to convince D'av to leave him alone so he can work that he runs into a fruit stand, knocking over a ratty basket of oranges. 

 

The old woman behind the stand swears at him and D'av hearing the commotion immediately asks what's going on. 

 

John ignores both of them in favor of snatching up an orange that's rolling away. Once's he's sure that the stray oranges are under control, he get's back to D'av.

 

"It's nothing," he tells his brother. "I just knocked something over. I have to go."

 

John can hear D'av laughing at him before he turns off his comm but he's more focused on the old woman.

 

"Sorry ma'am," he says keeping his head down. "I wasn't looking where I was going. Let me help you with that."

 

"It's a rare character who'll clean up the messes he makes these days boy. You must not be from around here," says the old woman. She's missing three of her front teeth but her smile is wicked.

 

"I'll pay you for any damages," says John. He's worried he might be laying it on a little thick but the woman laughs."

 

"How 'bout you pay me by helping me get my wares home?"

 

John nods as earnestly as he can. This is going better than he could have imagined.

 

"Nice clothes for the lower level," says the old woman conversationally. 

 

John isn't fooled by her tone, and he discreetly makes sure that his gun is still in it's holster and his badge and credits are where they belong. 

 

"I'm looking for a man who owes my family a debt," he says hoping she'll take the bait. 

 

"Everyone down here owes something boy," says the woman. "You'll have to look hard to find someone who will pay it."

 

John gathers the fruit baskets into a stack and puts them on the ground. 

 

"I mean to make him pay it whether he wants to or not," he says with a healthy amount of venom. 

 

"Whada'd he take from you I wonder," asks the woman. She makes no move to help him with dismantling the stand and John knows better than to think that it's an idle question. 

 

"Not me, my sister," says John. The stand is just a stack of wooden crates and he thinks of being ten years old and making a stand like this to sell tin whistles and his mother's herbal remedies. 

 

"You came all the way out here for your sister?" says the woman. She sounds a little bit impressed.

 

"Had to," says John making short work of the stand. He thinks of Dutch across the Quad doing the Trees only know what and lets it color his next words, "She's family."

 

The woman nods approvingly. 

 

"You done this before boy," she says when she sees the way that he's stacked the boxes inside of each other. 

 

"My mother sold herbs," he says. The best lies have just enough truth to make them believable. "I helped." 

 

"Rare enough to find a man who will help his mother these days," says the woman sagely. "They make the ladder to the top with their parents' bones."

 

John nods keeping his head down as he bundles the crates into the cart and ties everything down.

 

The woman pulls herself up using the cart for leverage. John imagines that he can hear her bones creaking. 

 

"This way son," she says. "Maybe you can join us for supper."

 

John smiles inwardly.

 

'Don't worry Dutch,' he thinks. 'With any luck I'll have this worked out by tomorrow and I can get back to what really matters.'

 

* * *

 

 

 D'avin isn't stupid. He knows that John just wants him out of the way. It stings somewhere deep below the surface to see just how much has changed between them. They've come a long way since it was the two of them against the world. 

 

D'avin huffs. He doesn't have time for this right now. As a matter of fact, it suits him to split up just as much as it does John. With his brother off talking to the unwashed masses, D'avin can get straight to the heart of the matter. 

 

Here on the upper levels the streets are still dusty but free of the crowds that line every inch of the the lower levels. It's mostly Company workers and soldiers that live up here which is good for D'avin. They're conditioned to respond to authority so all he has to do is act like he should be obeyed. 

 

He almost smiles. It strikes him as the kind of thing that Dutch would do. Strut around in her beautiful dress like she owns the place and watch everyone fall in line behind her. He imagines it and for half a second, he's overwhelmed by the thought of her. He has to clench his fists to get himself back under control again. John is going to kill him. 

 

With some difficulty, he turns his thoughts to the matter at hand. He's nearly certain that this Joven Khritt will be somewhere on the upper levels. He figures the guy can't be on the lowerlevels because his arms business never would have gotten big down there. Someone would have heard something and Mr. Khritt would have found himself in deep shit, if he was lucky, and dead if he wasn't. 

 

No, Joven Khrit is playing with the big guns. D'avin just needs to figure out why and how. Hopefully he'll be able to get some solid information before he meets up with John and then they can talk it out or something. John has always been better than him at making irregular pieces fit together. 

 

D'avin catches the eye of two young women walking the opposite direction from him. He smiles to himself. This he has always been good at. 

 

He puts his best smile on and exaggerates his military swagger.

 

"Would either of you lovely ladies know the way to the nearest inn?" he asks.

 

The taller of the two girls blushes, stammering. 

 

"Please excuse her, we don't get many outsiders around here Mister," says the shorter girl. "The inn is two roads up and around the corner. You'll see the sign. There's a unicorn above the door."

 

D'avin nods. 

 

The shorter girl is probably a servant of some sort given her directness with him and her clearly patched dress. The tall girl is probably the daughter of someone important, or someone important around here anyway, because she doesn't look like she's worked a day in her life. 

 

"And if I were looking for someone," he adds. "Who would I want to talk to."

 

"The constable," stammers the tall girl but the servant shakes her head. 

 

"You'd be wanting Jakob, Mister," she says with with easy certainty. "He's with the head guard division and he always knows who's finger is in what if you take my meaning."

 

D'avin nods in acknowledgement and turns to go. 

 

As he walks away he can hear the two girls talking behind him. 

 

"Hazelle," says the taller girl sounding a bit scandalized. 

 

"Everyone knows it," Hazelle points out reasonably. 

 

"You can't be telling strangers rumors like that," the tall girl says.

 

"Not even cute ones?"

 

D'avin bites his lip to keep from smiling as he rounds the corner, heading out of earshot. 

 

It was a bit of luck to run into a chatty servant. He wasn't even sure if they would be able to afford servants here. On Westerly, he had learned that many of the "richer" families used automated cleaning services because they were cheaper and didn't have to be fed or paid. 

 

He makes it to the inn in under ten minutes which still leaves him with only two chimes before he's supposed to meet up with John. When he ducks inside, he immediately feels eyes tracking him. It makes his skin crawl leaving his back unprotected, even on purpose, but he forces himself to walk calmly up to the bar and order a shot of cheap hokk. The bartender gives him a sour look when he realizes that he's not planning on ordering something more expensive but bustles over to pour the shot.

 

"Nice place you've got here," says D'avin when the man comes back. 

 

The bartender does not look appeased. If anything, he looks more angry. 

 

"You know where I could find a man named Jakob?" he tries. 

 

He's pretty sure that he's moving a bit fast here but he's on a time limit here and they can't get back to Dutch if they don't fulfill the warrant. 

 

The bartender doesn't answer and the hair on the back of D'avin's neck prickles ominously. He senses the person behind him a second before he feels the hand on his shoulder. 

 

"Who wants to know?"

 

* * *

 

 

Three hours later John is sitting on the bed in the dank room he'll be sharing with his brother if D'av ever shows up. 

 

He was able to get some good information out of the old woman, whose name was Sage. She hadn't heard of anyone in the lower levels with illegal high powered weapons but in a stoke of luck, her neighbor's son had been arrested last month under suspicion of arms trafficking. Sage had insisted that the boy was innocent but that had led John to the neighbor who in turn had told him about whispers of military tech being sold in the underworld and even smuggled off ship. 

 

She seemed to think that her son had ended up taking the fall because the smuggler was able to pull some strings.

 

John flops down of the bed considering what he's learned. He supposes that it makes sense that the smuggler would have some pull on the ship considering that he's managed to get big enough for a Company warrant. Hopefully D'av managed to actually gather some useful information on the upper levels. 

 

John groans out loud thinking of his brother. D'av's comm has been off since John told him he was busy. He wishes Dutch was here. It's hard to keep eight years of unspoken words from spilling out when she isn't here to soften the edges. He wishes D'av would turn on his stupid comm so they could swap info and get this warrant over with. Mostly he wishes that he wasn't here on this warrant at all. 

 

**John you have an incoming call**

 

Lucy's voice in his ear makes him jump and he's grateful that D'av isn't there to see it. 

 

"Patch it through Lucy," he says not darling to hope.

 

His heart falls in spite of himself when Pawter's face flickers to life on the tiny screen set into the wall. 

 

"I'm beginning to regret clearing your brother Jaqobis," says Pawter who has never been one for small talk.

 

"Oh," says John because he's not really sure what he's supposed to say to that. "Are you supposed to be telling me that?"

 

Pawter gives him a look. 

 

"He's only showed up to one appointment," she says.

 

"And that "appointment" seemed to be about doing the therapist than doing therapy," says John before he can think better of it. 

 

Pawter opens her mouth and then closes it again.

 

"You got something you wanna say John?" she asks. 

 

'In for a penny' thinks John. 

 

"Yeah, what kind of ethics do they teach wherever you come from?"

 

Pawter looks down.

 

"He's not stupid John," she says. "He knows I'm using him. And you and I both know that I'm not the one he want to be fucking."

 

John bites back the urge to say something really nasty. 

 

"Let me give you a word of advice Pawter," he says instead. "My brother and women is a combination that never ends well."

 

"I'm a big girl," says Pawter. "I know that actions have consequences." 

 

She looks like she might say something else but she doesn't. Instead she brushes her hair back from her face in a gesture that John might almost think looks self conscious. 

 

"So where is your brother?" she asks finally. 

 

"Hell if I know," says John. "He probably got distracted by some girl on his way home." 

 

Then he sighs.

 

"Sorry," he says tiredly. "I'm not having a great week if you couldn't tell." 

 

Pawter peers at him and he gets the sense that she might be trying to diagnose him. She doesn't seem mad about his previous comment which is uncharacteristic for her so maybe he looks worse than he thought. 

 

"Get some sleep Johnny," she says at last. "And tell your brother to call me when he gets back."

 

* * *

 

 

Dutch is sitting by the window of watching the stars go by in the darkness. She remembers doing this as a child, dreaming of her mother who she never met and the father her sent her away to be turned into a monster. She used to imagine what it would have been like if she had been born into a common family and not one with a target on their backs. 

 

Khylen had always looked down on the common people calling them little more than rats scrabbling for food and shelter but nine year old Dutch, already weary of politics and torture longed for the simplicity of being just one in a teaming mass of humanity. Nothing special, just another person trying to get by. 

 

Now here she was again on her way to do more of Khlyen's dirty work, something she'd sworn she'd never do again. 

 

"We're almost there Little Bird," says Khlyen. 

 

He always seems to appear out of nowhere but she doesn't let him see that he's startled her. 

 

"I'm not going to kill anyone for you," she says. "Not anymore!"

 

She's already said it but it bears repeating. 

 

"Not even if I hold a gun to your precious partner's head?" asks Khlyen idly as if he's enquiring about what she wants for dinner. 

 

Dutch feels the breath go out of her. 

 

"You said you'd leave him out of this," she says her knees weak with relief that the boys are out fulfilling a warrant somewhere far away from her. 

 

"No you said that," says Khlyen implacably. "I made no such promise."

 

He presses a button and a screen comes to life. 

 

It's all Dutch can do to stay standing when she sees her Johnny sleeping on a dingy gray bed. Her throat is choked with a dangerous mixture of rage and terror and she lunges for Khlyen's throat. 

 

"Tsk tsk," says Khlyen looking unconcerned. "Let's control our temper Yela. You wouldn't want him to end up like the last one."

 

Dutch freezes. 

 

"That's better," says Khlyen.

 

Dutch forces herself to drop her head and back off. Khlyen has all the cards her and he will use them. 

 

"Do you want me to beg for him?" she barely recognizes her own voice. 

 

Khlyen, the bastard, smiles indulgently at this. 

 

"No," he says. "Though that would be gratifying. I only wanted to remind you what was at stake should you fail to carry out my wishes. I don't wish to be cruel Yela but it is important that you comply, for both of our sakes."

 

"You're a monster and I hate you," says Dutch. It sounds childish when she says it out loud but she won't risk Johnny's life with more open defiance. 

 

"Go get ready Yela," says Khlyen fondly. "We shall see how effective you are in the field after all these years."

 

She turns to go. If frightens her how even now she exposes her unprotected back to him without a second thought. 

 

"Oh and Yela," says Khylen. "I'm surprised you didn't ask where the soldier was."

 

It takes her a split second to get what he's saying but when she does she whirls around immediately.

 

"What did you do to him?" she says forcing herself not to rush forward lest he take it out on Johnny. 

 

"I did nothing," says Khlyen. "In fact you should be thanking me. Your stupid partner doesn't even know the boy is in danger yet."

 

"Don't call Johnny stupid," says Dutch automatically. 

 

"Don't lose sight of the big picture Yela," says Khlyen. "If you get this done quickly, you might even have time to rescue your boy. I've seen the way you look at him. Between us, you can do better."

 

"You know nothing about him," says Dutch icily. "Or me. I'm not a child anymore. I won't just blindly follow orders. If you want me to work with you, I need to know what I'm doing."

 

"I'll tell you what you're doing Yela. You're going to follow my every order so that you can get back to your precious little boys before someone get's an itchy trigger finger and shoots your soldier."

 

Dutch opens her mouth to say something but Khlyen doesn't let her. 

 

"And in case you're thinking of calling your little partner, he's got his own problems to worry about. I hope you taught him something about poisons."

 

Dutch is momentarily speechless with emotion. 

 

"You said if I … but when I asked - 

 

Khlyen shakes his head disapprovingly. 

 

"You were asking the wrong questions Yela. You asked if you should beg for him. I said no because it is too late to beg for him."

 

Dutch finds herself blinking back tears. She's not sure if they're from horror or rage. 

 

"Please Khlyen," she whispers hating herself. She hates him. "I'll do anything! Please!"

 

"Pull yourself Yela, it doesn't befit you to cry over one so unworthy. I already told you it is too late to beg."

 

Dutch swallows her tears and forces herself to put the thought of Johnny dying in that bed out of her mind. 

 

"I will never forgive you for his death. I will kill myself rather than let you use me after this," she promises. 

 

Her hand finds the knife in her bra almost unconsciously. 

 

"Let's not be overdramatic Yela," says Khlyen. "No one said anything about killing him." 

 

Hope nearly knocks Dutch off her feet. 

 

"What are you saying?" she says sharply. 

 

"Do what I ask and no one needs to die," says Khlyen. "I'll even give you the antidote for your partner."

 

"Swear it," says Dutch immediately. 

 

"I swear on my life," starts Khlyen.

 

Dutch cuts him off. 

 

"No, swear on my life."

 

"I swear on your life that I will give you the antidote that you partner needs and allow you to go to him if you follow my orders and get me what I want," says Khlyen. 

 

"Land this ship and lets get moving," says Dutch. I don't want to spend another second with you." 

 

Surprisingly Khlyen goes to do as she's asked. 

 

'Don't worry Johnny," she thinks. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you or D'av."

 

Her fingers idly sift the the broken pieces of com link in her pocket, it's time to resort to drastic measures. When John wakes up he has to fight the urge to vomit. He can't remember what he dreamed about but it can't have been anything good. 

 

* * *

 

 

"What the hell were you doing last night D'av," he croaks out, his throat dry.

 

No one answers. 

 

Suddenly John's got a really bad feeling. He pushes himself up ignoring his spinning head which only makes his nausea worse. 

 

D'av's bed is untouched. 

 

John swears and lunges for the door but the minute he puts weight on his legs a bolt of pain shoot through his stomach, strong enough to knock him to the floor. He's not sure if he screams. 

 

"Lucy," he calls weakly. 

 

**I am here John. You have an audio message from Dutch. Would you like me to patch it through?**

 

Dutch. John momentarily forgets the pain out of fear for his partner. 

 

"Patch it though," he says trying to keep is voice steady. Then Dutch's voice fills his ear.

 

"I don't have much time Johnny, he's going to realize what I'm doing soon. You've been poisoned. I'm not sure with what but it's slow acting and it has an antidote. Call Pawter. She'll know what to do. D'av is in trouble I don't know how but you need to get to him as soon as you can. I'm sorry that I got you mixed up in this. That was never my intention I promise I'll explain everything when I get - 

 

"What's the rest Lucy," says John urgently. His throat screams at him. 

 

**There is no more John. I attempted to return Dutch's call but she was unable to answer. Would you like to call Pawter?**

 

John drops his head back so he's laying on the floor. 

 

"Yes," he rasps.

 

Poisoned. By who? Dutch had said "he" would realize. But who made fearless Dutch sound that scared? John has a sudden horrifying thought. Khlyen. Khlyen would have the ability and the ruthlessness to do all of this. John didn't know much about Dutch's evil mentor but he knew enough to say he was bad news for all of them. 

 

"You have some explaining to do Jaqobis," snaps Pawter coming alive on the tiny screen. Her pupils are blown wide as she scans the room. "D'avin?"

 

"No John," croaks John. He tries to push himself up so he's leaning against the side of the bed but the motion makes him cry out in pain.

 

"Johnny what's wrong?" asks Pawter immediately concerned. She shakes her head sharply. "Where does it hurt? What happened?"

 

"I was poisoned," says John. "I don't know how or by what but Dutch says there's an antidote and that it's slow acting."

 

"Holy shit Johnny," says Pawter. "Come home and finish the warrant later."

 

John shakes his head which turns out to be a bad idea. 

 

"I can't. D'av is in trouble somewhere. He never came back last night."

 

"Dutch can take take care of it," say Pawter quickly. "I'm going to need a sample of your blood to find the antidote."

 

"Dutch isn't here," says John. He's starting to sound desperate even to himself. "I need you to fix this so I can save them."

 

Pawter suddenly looks like she's about to break into a million pieces. 

 

"You should have know this would happen Illenore. You're being punished just like the sisters said you would be," she says to herself. 

 

"What are you talking about?" rasps John. He finds the energy to push himself up so he can see her better. "Are you crying?"

 

Pawter looks up and she is crying. She brushes her hair out of her face and he can see that her hands are shaking. 

 

All of a sudden something clicks in his head. 

 

"You're high," he says. He doesn't mean for it to sound like an accusation but it does anyway. 

 

Pawter doesn't say anything at first, just nods. 

 

"I'm being punished," she says at last. "I never believed in that crap until now. I don't think I can do this Johnny."

 

John wastes a few seconds trying to figure out what she means by being punished and who the hell the sisters are before he's distracted by another bolt of molten hot pain. He cries out involuntarily and he can see Pawter squeeze her eyes shut.

 

"Pawter listen to me," he says ignoring the pain in his throat. "You can fix this. Dutch said you could and I know that she's right."

 

"No," says Pawter. "I could kill you. I can't do that."

 

She swipes angrily at her eyes but the tears keep coming. 

 

"Pawter," says John ask firmly as he can manage. "You are going to do this. I can't save D'av and Dutch like this and no one is dying today."

 

Pawter squeezes her eyes shut again but this time she nods. 

 

When she opens her eyes again, she is wearing her "doctor" face like a mask. 

 

"Tell me you have your med kit with you," she says.

 

He can still hear a trickle of unrestrained terror in her voice so he makes an extra effort to keep his voice calm when he answers. 

 

"It's on the other side of the bed."

 

He already knows what's coming when she says, "You're going to have to go get it." 

 

It takes him what feels like forever to crawl over to the other side of the bed, grab the kit and return but he manages to get it done with a minimum of unbearable pain and he doesn't pass out, so that's a plus. 

 

"What are your symptoms?" Pawter asks briskly. 

 

"Dry mouth, sore throat, pain in my stomach when I stand or put any weight on my legs," John rattles off. 

 

Pawter makes a note off screen and purses her lips. 

 

"Any idea when or how it happened?"

 

"Sometime in the last 36 hours," says John. His throat tickles and he tries not to cough. "It might have been something that I touched probably not airborne because D'av's not sick."

 

"Could you have consumed it somehow?" asks Pawter. 

 

"Unlikely," chokes out John. The rest of the sentence turns into a fit of coughing which subsides into a pained moan. 

 

"That doesn't narrow it down much," says Pawter despairingly. She looks up suddenly. "Unless - Johnny what do you have in your kit?"

 

John fumbles with the kit for a few minutes before he is finally able to force his clumsy fingers to work. 

 

"I think my fingers might be going numb or something," he tells Pawter. He feels oddly calm. 

 

"That not good," says Pawter almost to herself. To him she adds, "That's actually very helpful. Can you tell me what's in the kit?"

 

It's hard to read the tiny names on the vials because he feels so dizzy but John just keeps reminding himself what's at stake and eventually he manages. 

"There's whatever we take for infections, the one that for headaches and sprains, three I don't know called Dumioxx, Plastasin and Xanyl and one that's unlabeled."

 

"Put the Plastasin back," says Pawter. "That's for serious wounds to stop blood-loss so that you can get someone to a doctor. Then open the unlabeled one and tell me what's inside."

 

John struggles with the cap but eventually he gets it open.

 

"There are pills, they're square and blue or maybe green it's hard to tell," he says. 

 

Pawter looks relieved. 

 

"Okay that's good, those are the pain pills I gave your brother. Okay Johnny, you're doing good. Open the Dumioxx and tell me if it's pre measured in syringes."

 

Luckily the Dumioxx is in a box rather than a bottle so he's able to open it more easily. Once he tears it open ten tiny syringes fall out into his hand. 

 

"Johnny I need you to focus and tell me if it's pre-measured," says Pawter. 

 

"It is," he says. The words feel like syrup in his mouth. 

 

"Are you in a lot of pain?" says Pawter. 

 

John blinks and wonders if she's talking to him. 

 

"Johnny, are you in a lot of pain," she repeats. 

 

John momentarily forgets how to speak so he nods. 

 

"Okay," says Pawter. "I'm going to need you to swallow one of the blue square pills Johnny. Just one, can you do that?"

 

He nods again. Luckily he left the cover off from the last time he opened the bottle. He knocks it over the first time he tries to pick it up but the second time he manages to get one pill and put it into his mouth. 

 

As soon as he does he feels like he's about to throw up. He can dimly hear Pawter yelling at him from the screen. 

 

"Listen to me Johnny," she snaps. "It's very important that you swallow that pill. You need to help your brother and Dutch remember?"

 

John blinks. Dutch and D'av are in trouble. He forces himself to swallow. His throat screams the whole time but when he's done, his mind feels clearer. 

 

"Are you back with me?" asks Pawter. 

 

"Yeah," says John his throat still feels raspy but it doesn't hurt anymore. "What was that?" 

 

"It's called Manaxa," says Pawter. "It's only availably with a prescription because it's very dangerous. Basically it acts like adrenaline in that it temporarily blocks your pain receptors. It's dangerous because people can bleed to death from an easily fixed problem because they don't notice it."

 

"And you gave it to my brother" says John.

 

"He had debilitating headaches," says Pawter defensively. "I couldn't okay him in the field unless I knew he was capable of watching your backs. But no actually, I only filled the prescription. The Army doc gave it to him."

 

"Great, nice to see you taking responsibility what was it you said earlier, actions have consequences? I'm going to go save my brother."

 

"Wait Johnny, we're not done," says Pawter. "We need to give you something to slow the poison too, Manaxa only blocks the pain remember?"

 

"Great," says John. "Let's get to it."

 

"I think you need to take the Dumioxx. It should slow the poison and give you enough time to save your brother and Dutch and get the hell out of there."

 

"You think," says John. 

 

Pawter looks down. 

 

"It's possible it could have a bad reaction with the poison it depends on what kind it is. Dumioxx can't be used on Class A's."

 

"So is it a Class A or not?" asks John. He feels some of the anger from before begin to well up again. "You should know all about drugs right?"

 

Pawter flinches and for a second all Johnny sees is his mother and he feels like a brute. 

 

"Fuck Pawter, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know you're doing your best and you've already done a lot. I should be thanking you." 

 

Pawter is shaking her head. 

 

"No you're right. I'm a fuck up." 

 

She swallows convulsively and he can see her trying to get herself under control. 

 

"I've narrowed it down to three possibilities, two are Class F and one is Class A," she admits. "I can't take that risk with you Johnny. You could die."

 

John cocks his head. 

 

"But there's a 66% chance that it'd work and I could go save D'av."

 

If Pawter notices that he doesn't mention Dutch, she doesn't say anything. John doubts that she notices thought because she's started crying again. 

 

"No Johnny listen to me, you can't take it. I'm high. I could be wrong. I could kill you." 

 

"No Pawter, you've already helped save me. It's my choice what to do now," says John thoughtfully. "What would happen it the poison was Class A?"

 

Pawter blanches. 

 

"No, no no, Johnny listen to me you can't take it! You can't trust me! Please don't!" 

 

Her voice gets more and shrill and she rakes her hands through her hair and quick panicked motions. 

 

John levers himself up and is relieved by the lack on pain. Pawter is falling apart and he knows that he needs to calm her down. 

 

"Listen Pawter, everything's okay - 

 

"Everything's not okay Johnny," she shrieks. "I killed someone. I could kill you."

 

"No one is going to die Pawter," he says soothingly. 

 

"No they already did, haven't you been wondering why I'm here on this shitty moon. Well now you know. I killed someone."

 

John blinks not entirely sure what to say. 

 

"I'm a monster, a fuck up with rich parents and nothing I do can ever make that go away." 

 

She's screaming now. 

 

"Pawter, says John softly. "It's going to be okay."

 

She bursts into tears. 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Johnny. I'm sorry I'm not like you," she whispers. 

 

"Everything's going to be okay," he says soothingly. 

 

Then he picks up the Dumioxx and neatly injects it into his arm. Almost instantly, his eyes roll back in his head and he collapses to the floor. 

 

"No!" shrieks Pawter but Johnny can't hear her.

 

* * *

 

When D'avin wakes up the first thing he's aware of is that he's tied to a chair. His breath catches as unbidden memories of the last time he was knocked out and taken captive fill his mind. He forces himself to focus on the present. The memories are still there but he keeps himself grounded by peering into the darkness to examine his surroundings. 

 

There's not much to see. He's in a big empty warehouse with a dirt floor and no windows. he can't see any doors but he knows there must be one there. He slows his breathing and tries to focus on listening. He can hear something dripping somewhere to his right and if he really concentrates he can almost make out the sound of distant footsteps. 

 

Having examined his surroundings he turns his attention back to himself. He has a tender lump on the back of his head, his ribs are sore but probably not broken and his wrists are almost certainly bleeding. 

 

All and all, it's not great but it's certainly not bad either. He's pretty sure that they don't have John whoever they are because he get's the feeling they would put the two of them together. He just needs to bide his time and hope that John doesn't come looking for him in the meantime. The opportunity to escape will come, he just has to be ready when it does. 

 

* * *

 

 

Dutch is laying flat on the roof of a building wishing that she wasn't in direct sunlight. She knows that she should be surveilling her surroundings but she just can't bring herself to care. She hopes that Johnny got her message in time. She won't allow herself to believe anything else. Thinking of her boys she unconsciously presses her hand to her ear hissing at the tender skin where her subdural com-link used to be. 

 

Surprisingly she had actually managed to make Khlyen angry with her message. It was only one a few time that she had seen him lose his composure and she shudders remembering it. Khlyen is frightening enough with his impeccable manners and calm measured attitude towards killing but angry, he is beyond terrifying. Once as a child, she had seen him burn hospital on Leith to the ground in a fit of rage, killing everyone inside. 

 

As it was, this bout of anger had been bad enough. She had no doubt that she would have nightmares of him with a hand around her throat cutting her com-link out with his knife. It was one of the only times she could remember him hurting her out of anger rather than as a lesson.

And now here she is playing sniper with him. For a second she feels her hatred of him drown out everything else, even the heat. 

 

"Are you in position Yela?" he asks in her new com-link. 

 

"Yes," she says coldly. Her focus zeros in on a wide dingy window in one of the buildings below. "What exactly is the objective?"

 

"There is a small blue box, held by a man in black," says Khlyen. "He plans to sell what's inside and our job is to get it before he does and or kill them and take it ourselves."

 

"I already told you Khlyen, I'm not killing anyone," says Dutch. She's feeling more like herself now that she had a gun in her hand. She pointedly switches to stun making sure that he can hear the distinctive clicking sound. 

 

"So disrespectful, I raised you better Yela," says Khlyen but he doesn't try to stop her which she considers a win. 

 

Her happiness is short-lived when she sees the buyer. Her breath catches and she knows that Khlyen's heard it. The yellow robes are generic but she knows the stance and the scars. 

 

"Alvis," she breathes. 

 

"No one you know I hope," says Khlyen lightly. 

 

She curses him silently. How can he possibly know how much the scarback means to her? 

 

"You did this on purpose," she accuses.

 

"Consider it a test," says Khlyen. "Get the box in time and your friend won't have to die. Fail and you'll be begging me to let you shoot him."

 

There isn't any question. She won't let Alvis fall into Khlyen's grasp. She peers over the side of the building relieved to see a rickety staircase running along the outside wall. She stripes the gun to her back and vaults over the edge of the roof. 

 

She hits the ground running and nearly twists her ankles in a gap in the steps but she keeps on moving. She's breathless by the time she gets to the ground. She knows that she doesn't have time to stop and catch her breath even though her lungs are burning. Instead she smashes a window with the butt of her gun and vaults through, neatly rolling to avoid gunfire. 

 

She can see where Alvis and two other scarbacks have taken cover across from her. Thankfully, they aren't near the box. She moves quickly to better cover managing to take out two of the men as she does. That leaves three more and possibly the scarbacks depending on how they react. 

 

She rolls again, this time a stray bullet grazes her thigh. It burns but she continues the roll, gracefully taking out the one who shot her in one fluid motion. 

 

She's close enough for hand to hand now so she uses the butt of her gun to break the last lackey's shooting hand. He goes down screaming and she knocks him out with a kick, keeping her gun carefully fixed on the boss. 

 

"You have one chance," she says. "Give me the box."

 

"You ain't gonna hurt me," he says. "That gun's set to non-lethal. Why don't - 

 

She doesn't let him finish. She slams her free hand up, swiftly breaking his nose and as he falls she shoots him at point blank range which send him flying back into the wall. 

 

"I hear that hurts quite a bit," says a dry voice behind her. 

 

She turns around to find Alvis with a gun to her head. 

 

"I have to take the box," she says slowly lifting her gun to point at his chest. "Please don't make me do this."

 

"I thought I told you to pick my side," he says lowly. 

 

"I'm always on your side," says Dutch almost pleading. "Trust me."

 

"I do," says Alvis. 

 

Before she understands what he's doing, he reaches over and pulls the trigger on her gun. The force of the bolt sends him flying back where he lays sprawled on the floor, chest already beginning to bruise. 

 

Pain lances through her shoulder and the force of it drives her to her knees. Shit. She forgot about the other two scarbacks. One is running to Alvis and she dispatches him easily with a stun-bolt to the leg. She spins to take care of the one who shot her but before she can do anything a bullet shatters a window and the scarback collapses in a pool of blood. 

 

"No," says Dutch running to him. 

 

The man is laying on his back and she shudders when she sees that Khlyen shot him in the gut. It's a cruel way to die but Khlyen is a cruel man. 

 

"Please," the dying man croaks. "Please."

 

Dutch squeezes her else shut, blinking back hot tears that she's been fighting since Khlyen appeared in her room. She hates him. 

 

She pulls out her knife with shaking hands and places it in the dying monk's hand. Then she presses her hand to her bleeding shoulder. She takes the blood and smears it clumsily onto his forehead. 

 

"May the trees shelter you," she whispers through the tears. 

 

Then in one quick motion she swipes the knife in a quick arc, cutting his throat. Then she pushes herself to her feet, wipes her bloody hands on her pants and walks out into the sunlight. 

 

"I'm coming home," she says out loud. "Just hang in there a little bit longer. 

 

* * *

 

 

Johnny wakes up with a jolt. 

 

"Thank the trees, what were you thinking you fucking idiot," snaps a woman. 

 

For a second he thinks it's Dutch but it's not, it's Pawter. 

 

"You could have died," she continues, then softer, "I thought I killed you." 

 

"But you didn't," says John firmly. "I promise we can talk about everything later Pawter. Thanks for everything but I have to go save D'av and find Dutch. 

 

"Good luck Johnny," says Pawter her voice sounding a bit funny. "Make sure your brother calls me," she adds sounding more like herself. "Getting captured is not going to get him out of trouble."

 

Johnny nods and the screen goes dark. 

 

"Lucy?" he says

 

**I am here John**

 

"Locate D'av and call Dutch," he says. 

 

He can't believe it was only yesterday that he was saying those same words back on Westerly. It's been a long couple of days. 

 

**Dutch is still unreachable John, but I have located D'avin on the fifteenth level.**

 

"Isn't that supposed to be food storage Lucy?" asks John. He pointedly doesn't think about Dutch being unreachable, whatever that means. 

 

**Indeed it is John**

 

"How accurate is the trace?" John asks. 

 

**His com-link is broadcasting loud and clear I can lead you directly to him.**

 

"Great," says John. "At least one thing is going right." 

 

Finding his way to the fifteenth floor is easy. Getting past the guards is a little harder but nothing that John can't handle. But looking out over the labyrinth of warehouses, John is relieved that he has Lucy to guide him to his brother. 

 

**You are getting closer John. Take a left at the next path**

 

"Thank Lucy," he says. "Let me know when I'm about twenty feet away." 

 

John is cautious rounding the corner Lucy had described when his com-link crackles to life. 

"D'av?" asks John. "Dutch?"

 

Instead of an answer he hears the unmistakable crackle of electricity and a choked off scream. 

 

D'av. D'av is being tortured. Again. And John is going to have to listen to his brother suffer without being able to do anything about it. Again. His throat feels tight and his breathing speeds up without his consent. 

 

His mind overlays the choked screams with images of D'av laying on a dirty floor spitting up blood. 

 

John squeezes his eyes shut but it only makes the images stronger. He fights to control his breathing but it's not working. His panic makes his breath even faster and he feels like he's drowning in memories instead of water. 

 

**John, you have stopped moving. Would you like me to repeat the directions?**

 

John comes back to himself and realizes that he's collapsed to the ground at some point.

 

When he pushes himself back to his feet, he can feel a faint thread of pain in his stomach. 

 

"Lucy how long does that medication work for?" he asks with growing dread. 

 

**Dumioxx has an active period of approximately three hours and Manaxa has an active period of approximately one hour.**

 

"Oh shit," says John. "Come on Lucy, we have to hurry!"

 

* * *

 

 

"Is everything some sort of test for you?" says Dutch storming into Khlyen's ship. "Did you even need this box?"

 

"It is important to ensure that your skills have not atrophied," says Khlyen. Then he notices that her shoulder is still bleeding. "Let me see to that."

 

It's the wrong thing to say. Her anger erupts and before she can think better of it her knife is out and pressed to his throat. 

 

"Don't fucking touch me. Let's how good my skills really are," she hisses. 

 

"Let's not make idle threats Yela," he says sounding a little bit bored. 

 

"Oh it's not," says Dutch. "I'm sure you saw how _effectively_ I put that monk out of his misery."

 

"He had to die for hurting you, Little Bird," says Khlyen as if this a reasonable thing to say. 

 

"No," says Dutch. "You do not get to make this my fault. You killed him. It had nothing to do with me."

 

"Little Bird," says Khlyen kindly. "Just do it."

 

Dutch squeezes her eyes shut and swallows. 

 

"No," she says returning the knife to its sheath. I'm nothing like you. Just give me the antidote and let me go home."

 

Khlyen shakes his head like he's disappointed. 

 

"I thought that you were ready Yela," he says. 

 

He pulls a vial out of his coat. 

 

"What is it?" he asks. 

 

"Basinite," she says automatically. "The blue glowing effect combined with the fine sediment on the bottom make it clear. It should smell bitter."

 

"What poison does it counteract?" he continues. 

 

"Protenus, Class F," she says. "Administered through skin contact, slow acting, fatal in dosage over .4 milligrams."

 

"It's gratifying to see that you haven't forgotten all of my lessons," says Khlyen. 

 

"Bring me home," orders Dutch trying not to hate herself for still responding to his orders. "You swore on my life."

 

"You are home," says Khlyen. His lips curl as if he finds the words distasteful. "You'll find that we've been on Westerly this whole time, though why you debase yourself on this horrid moon, I'll never understand."

 

Dutch feels like slapping herself. Now that he's said it, she recognizes where she is, in the western quadrant of Old Town. 

 

"Run on home to your boys now," says Khlyen mockingly. "You'll come back when you tire of them."

 

Dutch doesn't dignify that with a response, simply walking away.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time John finally reaches the building where D'av is being held, the pain has become a constant undercurrent. 

 

"How many men are there Lucy?" he whispers.

 

**Three inside including D'avin and one posted at each of the four exits**

 

"Which exit is D'av closest to?" asks John. 

 

The pain swells and fades quickly leaving him weary. 

 

**The East exit opposite your current location John**

 

John gives a curt nod and pulls out his gun. It's not ideal but they've faced worse odds before and come out fine. 

 

"Try to call him again," says John

 

**His com-link receiver appears to have been damaged**

 

"Okay," says John mostly to himself. "Let's get this over with before I can't do it at all. Be ready to pick us up."

 

**Whatever you say John**

 

He whirls out from his cover quickly shooting the first guard. A bolt of pain shoots up his back but he doesn't let it slow him down and kicks down the door with a bang. 

 

D'av is tied to a chair near the back wall. John shoots the man next to D'av before he can get any ideas about hostages and moves towards his brother scanning the room for signs of movement. 

 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" says D'av not sounding as appreciative as John might have imagined. 

 

"Saving you, you're welcome," says John. 

 

D'av flinches minutely. 

 

"What," says John. "Are you okay?"

 

D'av nods and for a second John can see that his brother is tired and hurting. 

 

"That's what Dutch said," his voice wavers a bit. "Back on the ship."

 

John is distracted from answering by a sudden movement across the room. He fires a bolt in the general direction but it doesn't connect. He continues to D'av keeping his eyes on the room as he moves to untie his brothers arms. Between the pain and the fact that he's not looking at the knots it takes him longer than it should even with his belt knife. 

 

"What's wrong?" asks D'av immediately. 

 

John weighs the merits of D'av knowing what's up with the fact that he's going to flip the fuck out when he finds out that John was poisoned. 

 

"No time to explain," he says deciding quickly. "We have to get back to Lucy now." 

 

D'av looks unconvinced. 

 

"They didn't hit my head that hard," he says. 

 

John makes a mental note to check for concussion. 

 

D'av opens his mouth to continues but he never gets a chance as a gunshot cracks through the room. D'av pitches forward and John lunges to catch him. 

 

"Fuck, where are you hit?" asks John urgently.

 

He clumsily drags his brother over to the nearest wall.

 

"It's just as graze," says D'av dismissively. Then his eyes widen suddenly. "Watch your six!"

 

John spins and fires. A bolt of pain lances through his body that sends him to his knees for a second he thinks that he might have been hit before he remembers the poison. The world turns gray before his eyes and suddenly the floor seems a lot closer than before. 

 

"John, Johnny, where are you hit?"

 

D'av has closed the distance between them and is leaning over John looking more concerned than John can remember seeing him since they were teenagers. 

 

"Poison," he grits out. 

 

"How? When?" demands D'av.

 

"No time," says John weakly. "Get to Lucy."

 

"Where is she?" asks D'av. 

 

He hauls John to his feet which elicits a weak scream. 

 

"Third level, docking bay B," says John. "There's more of them. Go out the back."

 

"I'll take that," says D'av taking John's gun and adjusting his grip on John's arm. 

 

"Dutch," says John. His voice is weak and thready. "Dutch."

 

He's not even sure what he's trying to say. 

 

"Some rescue that was," huffs D'av. "Why do I always end up save your reckless ass?"

 

"You're the big brother," says John panting. "You gotta earn your keep."

 

* * *

 

 

Thankfully, they arrive back at Lucy without further incident. D'avin is honestly not sure he could fight a kitten right now much less a host of armed lunatics. The adrenaline from the fight has worn off. His side burns viciously where the bullet grazed him and his headache is so bad that he's having trouble putting thoughts together.

 

John is dead weight, murmuring feverishly against his side. D'av isn't sure what John expects him to do now that he's basically unconscious but the current plan is run home to Pawter and hope that it's not too late. 

 

He half drags John up Lucy's ramp and into the airlock.

 

"Lucy, we need to get to Pawter as fast as we can," he says and he maneuvers John through the door into the cargo bay. 

 

**Destination already programed, do you wish to override?**

 

D'av doesn't waste time trying to figure out what that means. 

 

"Yes, do it, override," he says arranging John on the couch as best he can. 

 

**Override key must be manually plugged in on the bridge** , **D'avin** says Lucy

 

He swears and runs for the bridge. He's through the door when a knife appears at his throat

 

"Don't move."

 

"Dutch, it's me," he says immediately recognizing the sound of her voice. 

 

"D'avin." She drops the knife and throws her arms around him. "Where's your brother."

 

John. D'av had almost forgotten for a second in the relief of finding Dutch. 

 

"He's on the couch. We need to get him to Pawter," he says but Dutch is already through the door. 

 

When he catches up, she's kneeling on the floor next to John, an empty syringe held loosely in her right hand. 

 

"I'm so sorry Johnny," she murmurs. "I never wanted you to get mixed up in all of this."

 

D'av can't hear what John says in response but he can't help the feeling that he's intruding on a private moment. A bolt of jealousy goes through him, followed by a bolt of pain as he stretches the graze the wrong way. 

 

With John no longer in immediate danger, he suddenly feels exhausted. He fights his leaden limbs every step of the way as he retreats to his room to lick his wounds in peace. 

 

* * *

 

 

"So do you think Khlyen will try something like this again?" asks D'avin.

 

John shrugs and Dutch tips back her drink decisively. 

 

"I'm not going to let him," she says, her eyes hard. "I'm done letting him play games with my life. You or Johnny could have died all for some stupid test."

 

"But how do you even fight someone like that?" asks D'avin.

 

"What even is he?" puts in John. 

 

Dutch shakes her head. 

 

"I don't know but I know that I can't just close my eyes and hope he goes away," she says.

 

"If we're going up against Khlyen we need to be honest," says John. "No more secrets."

 

He sighs deeply.

 

"I'll go first. I injected myself with a drug that could have killed me."

 

"Johnny," says Dutch softly. 

 

Her hand slides over to his.

 

D'avin slides he chair out as discreetly as he can. 

 

"Where do you think you're going?" says John pointedly. 

 

"Don't think I didn't notice your disappearing act last night Jaqobis," says Dutch. 

 

D'av stops moving. 

 

"I slept with Pawter," he blurts out. 

 

John winces and Dutch looks like she swallowed something distasteful. 

 

"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind," says John "But hell, I'll take what I can get. Your turn Dutch."

 

Dutch looks down at her hands. 

 

"I killed a scarback," she says quietly. 

 

"Dutch," says John in the same tone that she had used with him. 

 

D'avin doesn't even try, he just pours her another drink. 

 

"We are a mess," says Dutch wearily. 

 

"I'll drink to that," John puts in gesturing for D'avin to refill his glass. 

 

"To the future," says Dutch. 

 

"To teamwork," says John.

 

D'avin smiles wryly. 

 

"To us."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for torture, nightmares, ptsd, panic and anxiety attacks, self hatred, incidental self harm, risky behavior, abusive parents, emotional abuse, manipulation, Khlyen being creepy and canon typical violence.  
> Please let me know if I've left anything out. I'd be happy to add it.


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